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Article One: Single at a Wedding

On opening my sore eyes and adjusting to the feeling of a dull throbbing pain in my temple, I began to recall the events of the day before. I thought it impossible but I had done it, I had survived my first wedding as a single girl.

As this was something I hadn’t done as a solo activity I sought the advice of some friends beforehand. They shared their unfortunate experiences aiding to construct my ‘points to avoid’ list. Speaking to both the married and ‘been through it’ side of the spectrum I was informed that I had fallen into a specific guest role. My single friends said I had been invited to fill a seat, but the married girls offered a more alarming description. Yes, it was true I was family and like all relatives we tend to be fans of a celebration and certainly willing participants of a free feed however, I was pushed to admit my distant cousin status to the bride and therefore my role was clear. As a single girl with no immediate connection to the bridal party (other than blood which, I now know is unimportant) my invitation was extended for me to provide a nice shade of green to the bouquet stems. According to my friend who married six months ago one of her highlights was to sweep around in her gown while she basked in the glow of jealous female guests: the singletons, the left on the shelf cases and the women who hadn’t yet reached this point with their current beau.

Build Your Defence

This shocked me but, determined to attend I accepted it and began to gather together my defence. Although arguably irrelevant to some I could still legitimately claim my appearance as a family member, already setting me ahead of the girls invited because their parents are friends and they knew each other in childhood. If you are really lucky “you may hit the jackpot and have someone from high-school turn up” quipped one.

Number one in my list on how to survive is to know your invitation status, I was fortunate to be related others may not be but this recognition stands you in good stead to proceed.

To Plus One or Not

When my invite came through the post I was automatically considered a lone attendee. This was an instant result and cut out the dreaded search for a plus one. Many of my single friends had fallen hard at this hurdle and were keen to share their experiences. Whether you have any real interest in this person or not inviting a date in the first place sends out a signal. In one case my friends date dewy eyed over the couple’s first dance considered it the best time to share his (rather premature) declaration of love. Another saw any chance of a blossoming relationship evaporate on the mere mention of attending the event. Then there was the friend who dragged along her colleague and after a couple of glasses of fizz decided in conversation with a group to invent a romantic relationship between them only to be forced into an Oscar worthy emotional performance when he had got acquainted with a bridesmaid.

But the most important part of arriving honestly as a single guest is that you allow the way to meet other people, some can be in the same situation and that can lead to a good night or a possible flirtation. Rule number two and the resounding conclusion is to go alone.

Beware the Bar Staff

Unfortunately going alone also means no-one has your back. You may have had fun getting to know your single comrades having a dance, sharing a drink but if anyone has one shot too many and heads onto the stage be warned- they are on their own. Casualties of war are an inevitability and this event was no different; a microphone, Diana Ross and a lot of vomit. There I stood with the others watching the scene unfold making no attempt to get involved. I did muster a slight shake of my head perhaps even a small sigh and in doing so propelled myself into a higher class of guest. Brutal indeed, but without composure it could easily have been any one of us. Number three therefore is to never challenge those you meet at a wedding to a shots contest.

Finally though and most importantly, relax. After all it’s a party and a celebration and not a battle ground entirely. Remember to join in with the traditional fun, be light hearted and scramble for the bouquet. Make the appropriate sighs as the couples around you take to the floor for the slow dances, all the while making a mental checklist of those you will request as your green eyed invites when the time comes.

This article was written for webooks.co.uk